Written by Jill Whitefoot
Our story started in the Fall of 2016 when we started trying to grow our family. We were hopeful and excited to bring a child into our family, but the months turned into a year and we found ourselves at a fertility clinic looking for answers. The diagnosis was unexplained infertility without many answers. We tried a few types of fertility treatments that were unsuccessful.
In January 2019, my husband took a traveling job where we traveled throughout the country helping open new restaurants, so we decided to take a break from fertility treatment for a few years and seek the Lord for the next steps in growing our family. Adoption has also always been on our hearts, but we didn’t know where the Lord was leading us next.
After traveling for 2.5 years, we were excited to have a permanent home in Bloomington-Normal, Illinois, and to actively pursue growing our family again. Through prayer and seeking the Lord, we chose to pursue IVF as the next step in our journey. In October 2021 I had surgery to remove some polyps and fibroids as well as retrieve eggs that would be fertilized into embryos. After our egg retrieval, we had 11 embryos! We were so excited and thankful for the Lord’s provision.
In March of 2022, we transferred one sweet high-quality embryo and found out a few weeks later we were expecting. We were excited and hopeful but also didn’t want to get our hopes up to be disappointed later. At our weekly appointments, we saw our baby's heartbeat on the ultrasound. As each week progressed, we were more excited to become parents after years of waiting.
Unfortunately at 10 weeks, I started bleeding and we found out our sweet baby’s heart stopped beating. I was a 9-hour drive away from home and my husband. As my mom drove me back to Illinois, I was so heartbroken and disappointed. The intense pain I experienced a few days later was such a difficult reminder that our first child was no longer growing inside me. We leaned into the Lord for His strength. Psalm 34:15 says “The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry.” In our grieving, we felt seen and heard by the Lord and comforted by him and so many around us. We named our baby Shiloh after the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel 1. Hannah cried out to the Lord in prayer for him to open her womb on Mount Shiloh. For years we cried out to the Lord for him to open my womb and sweet Shiloh was a gift for his/her short life.
We continue to wait patiently upon the Lord in this season of waiting and healing. After losing Shiloh I was diagnosed with Lupus and Sjogrens Syndrome, which may lead to more difficulties and risks in pregnancy. We don’t know what God has planned for us moving forward, but we know He is faithful and we pray that we would walk joyfully in sorrow as we trust Him.
We were gifted this beautiful Shadow Flower to display in our home. Every time I see it, I am reminded of our hope in Christ and that he is our Vibrant Hope.
